The Calm

The cold has spread within slowly
A matter of seconds or years
Not even I can tell

The silence is chilling
Almost eerie enough to send chills down my spine
Since I know that this is just the calm

After all these years
I am left with a shadow
The real pieces of worth are gone

The dream was shattered years ago
I wont pretend this was anyone else’s doing
The dream broke the day I woke up in a strange place

I thought running away from the familiar
I thought it would set me free
I thought, of nothing else, no one else

This state is like limbo
An in between place with questions
But no answers

A state of absolute peace
It seems like the cold has made everything stop
My heart, My thoughts, My conscience

The calm is so unsettling
Since the storm is right behind
In my blind spot
Only thing I can do now
Is wait
For life and perhaps for the pieces to fall back

The Minotaur's creation of Veritas

There is nothing left to say
For you have no idea
How hard it has been to be civil
To someone you once loved and lost
I was right the first time
You would hurt me
Not because you wanted to
But because you of all could do it without trying
Even a slap across the face
An abusive strike
Would cause less pain than that you have caused
You think you’re a warm giving soul
Yet you look in the mirror and what do you see?
A selfish unforgivable cold liar, who has everyone fooled
Perhaps just this once, you have met
Someone who really sees you for what you are
I remember you once said you were a bad person
Now I understand why, because you can hide from the world
But you have never been able to hide from yourself
When you say you have changed, I wondered why I completely got it
It’s because there is a reason we met
You were meant to teach me
That you shouldn’t trust anyone
Especially the person you think might never hurt you.
I will always understand you
Since slowly through time, I have turned into you…
A selfish unforgivable cold liar
Thank you for teaching me this valuable lesson
Sometimes people come into your life
To affirm your faith and hope in others
And At times, like these
They come into your life
Just to remind you that some
Help you to see the reality of the world.
I was right the first time
You would hurt me and so you did
You could never protect me from the world
You were sent to make me stronger against it
By hurting me until I could not feel pain any longer

Window of Hope

As she climbed up the window
She couldn’t help smiling to herself
Why she did this every day
She had no idea

She had a home of her own,
A bed on which she spread the best of counts
The comfortable pillow that fit perfectly
But the window somehow called out to her

She entered the apartment
There was Mr. Darling
Wearing his glasses, reading as usual
She climbed into the bed to lie beside him

There was the comfort she loved
In his strong arms
They never made love,
In fact it was never about sex

They were just two souls in a city that never slept
Unattached, Ambitious and Content
They just didn’t have time for partners
Thus they had each other

He was so beautiful that all she could do was look admiringly
They talked of many things, of day and night
And of inconsequential mundane things
Yet they never knew how time passed by

Smoking cigarettes, curled up in that bed
They shared their lives, their opinions
This was the best part of their day
At night, when two people lay in that bed
Sharing thoughts, conversations and most of all, the warmth of friendship.

Underdog

There is something to be said about the underdog
The little guy who has the luxury
Of people underestimating him all the time
And the capacity to not just meet these expectations
But rise above them

There is something to be said about the underdog
How you never see him coming
Sneaky, cleaver and ever so charming
You don’t know what hit you
Until he leaves, leaving you stunned

There is something to be said about the underdog
How his modest demeanor hides his true potential
He doesn’t boast, doesn’t brag
But leans against the walls silently, watching
Looking at him, you just can’t help marvel at his unassuming nature.

There is something to be said about the underdog…
He always possesses the element to surprise you

Adieu

People whiz by, going about their lives
I stand on this edge looking above
Hearing phrases like
Everything happens for the good
It’s all for the best
When god closes a door he opens a window somewhere
I just close my eyes and smile

Sometimes even the reassuring of words has no effect
When you’re leaving your life behind
These days I seem to go for long walks
And I seem to end up in the familiar places
Where I once laughed and cried with mates
At locations with significance
It seems that as the end draws near
You just want to be surrounded by memorable moments and people

New adventures awaits
Yet how does one say goodbye?
To the places and people that you once loved
That you might never see again
I suppose this is what growing up means
Learning to let go of some things
So that you make some space for new moments and people
Right now all I can do is stand on the edge
And smile in that bittersweet way…

Schizo

The mind, The mind, The mind
Cant finish the thought
Grabbing the lighter he walked towards the door
Earphones placed crooning words
That he could not comprehend
Yet that made complete sense

Jangling the keys in the coat
To check if they were there
Voices in the head spoke in whispers
They were conspiring against him
Talking behind his back
About the scar across his face

Subconsciously he stroked the scar
Finding smooth skin,
Where did it go?
They took it from him
Changed his face to make him look like someone else
The keys, Jangling again, there they were
But he knew who he was
They couldn’t take it away from him
He wouldn’t let them!

It had finally made sense
The compartments, the people, the puzzles
The day he watched the blast
Fingers, eyeballs, and insides splattered
Pink mist
It clicked, finally it made sense
They were all the same, they wanted the same thing
They did not understand, He alone had figured it all out

Now they wanted to kill him
They didn’t want everyone to know the truth
About the cobwebs of human complexity
This wasn’t complex at all, so simple
So simple
The blast cleared up everything
It just depended where you stood
It was all a matter of time and place

The keys, The keys, Where the fuck are the keys?
Did they take it from him?
No there they are
Peering over the edge
He wouldn’t let them kill him
His eyes roamed across the city
The lights, the pavement, the trees
The keys, the key was that people were all the same
They looked for all the same things
Finding the same things
Only if they stopped looking

They might have saved themselves
Might , a word that defines the probability of the past
Might , a word that defines power over something, force
We might have been a lot of things
Yet today we are just mere humans
Ruled by power, emotions and purpose

Yet he managed to stop
Now he was only ruled by the voices
They were only in his head
He knew that, he knew they weren’t there
It gave him solace that they couldn’t harm him
Only he could do that
Stepping over the edge
As he fell onto the concrete
He thought
The mind, The mind, The mind…

You Don't Know Who I Am

Yes I do, Coward
You are the face of malice
Hidden in the shadows
With your callous nature
Seeking revenge for the deeds
Where you think you have been wronged
You are the spineless shadow
That threatens to disrupt our lives
But you see I do know you
I know that you are but a dog that barks
Too afraid to stick to your convictions
Just capable of wagging your finger
Claiming your unjustified righteousness

Yes I do, You fool
You are the masked mystery
Thinking your god’s gift to humankind
With the air of charm and elegance
You flaunt your overconfidence
Trying to appear nonchalant
Distant and uncaring to people and emotions
Viewing the world through your judgmental eyes
But you see I do know you
I know you are just a little person
Afraid to come out of your shell
Your mystery is just your guard
Lest someone hurt you from within

Yes I do, My love
You are the one who wakes in the middle of the night
To plant a kiss on my forehead
The ones whose hand I hold in gloomy weather
You think I don’t notice
The little glances you throw my way
You think I don’t care
For all your affection and your devotion
But you see I do know you
I know yours is the love I crave
Its hard not to notice your expression when you touch me
With a room full of people
Your face is the one I know

Nothing

My demise from this earthly plane
Has been thought out and deliberate
No person is the cause of this
It is merely by choice of free will

Funny how destiny has led me here
To this absence of emotion
Yes I have thought about who it affects
And how I am inflicting grief

I don’t think there is any other way
But to walk to my watery grave
It is where I wish to say goodbye
To the former ties of my young life

To my love
Life had just begun with your arrival
Your reasons are good as mine
Without you there is no life
The world is bare like the leaves
In the autumn of my life
I have turned into an empty shell

I tried looking into the skies
Hoping for relief
From this agony of existing without you by my side
Tears have been shed
Flesh has been cut
Blood and pain has been given
There is nothing left

To my life
You have given me the luxury of luck
The capability to think
Affection of family
Changes to keep things interesting
I just grew up too quickly
Saw too much, felt too much

Never ending laughs
Short lived fancies
Faithful friendships
I am grateful for it all
Glances into who I would become
There is nothing there

As the water engulfs me
I take a final drag of my cigarette
As I knew I would before the end
Visions of a little girl pass by
Dreaming of happiness

In the end
It was loneliness and heartbreak
That led me to this blue abyss
There is just nothing left

Yours, Mine, Ours...

As you make these vows today
I want you to make one more
The most important one
Promise me

Even if we fight and throw things
I want you to love our children
Boundlessly and eternally
Completely and freely

You will be there for them
In times of doubt
And in times of happiness
You will be their father

You will not just throw money at them
And spend five minutes with them
You will support them
And make time for them

You will hug them
And let them cry on your shoulder
You and I may have problems
But you will never blame them

You may betray me
Don’t ever betray them
I will forgive u for everything
But I will never forgive you
If you forsake our children

Love them, my husband
Love them more than your life
Love them more than me
And I will always love you for it

Betrayed

The cold now sweeps into the living room
Where once was a family
Now engulfed in betrayal and sadness

The drink of whisky swirled around
In contemplation of his actions
Head bowed in surrender

Fingers entwined in the threads of the cushion
Lips quivering in hopelessness
Her eyes red after the sobbing

The boy walking back and forth
Trying to comprehend
Hands clenched into a fist

Eyes looking out the window
Wishing to escape
Her mind a mass of agony

Images of laughter
Of trips together
The visions of support and love

Now has turned murky
Clouded by the reality
Torn apart by disloyalty

There is no turning back
What is broken will remain broken
It cannot be ignored, cannot be forgotten

Dear Infidel
You have let the unknown into our home
We never want to look into your eyes again
Since you no longer remain in our hearts

The Power of Pain

There is a certain kind of pain
That does not wash away with the waves
It remains in your heart
Deeply seated
Just becoming numb
Becoming a part of you

The pain that gives you courage
In times of uncertainty and humiliation
It’s the pain that turns you into someone else
Someone who thinks
If I could have gone through that

I can go through anything in the world…

Love affair with Bangalore

The place where you could experience four seasons in one day
Where rock music was a religion
Where people from everywhere came to fulfill their destiny

Walking from college into that much loved coffee shop
I would feel the sweat crawl down my back
And the wind would mess up my hair

Strolling to the garage of coffee heaven
A sea of friendly faces greeted me everyday
Some beaming, some preoccupied, some just mulling over their beverages

Hugs, long wonderful hugs
That said “Hello there, we’ve missed you”
Sitting down, I would feel comforted in an instant

The pub with the dim lighting
Jim Morrison’s voice floating from the speakers
And the delicious draught beer that would quench any thirst

The apartment filled with light
Where friends came to hang out
And flat mates went about their day

The club where I would go to dance and unwind
People sipping their drinks and eyeing potential lovers
DJ’s spinning their turntables with catchy beats

It’s the city I once detested
It’s the place I wanted to leave behind
Now it’s the place I miss and long to return to…
It’s the place where I found friendship

Now as I look back on beloved Bangalore
I think of it as the city where I found love

Deserted

Desolate winds now caress her cheek
As she swims across the sea of sand
The emptiness of her surroundings masking her being
Is there no relief, no rescue

Looking up at the blazing sun
Her tears run dry
Her feet blistered
Her spirit broken and shattered

There he stood,
Strong, Silent and Proud
His face a mask of disgust
That accused her, that she had expectations
That she needed comfort
That she couldn’t understand
That she wasn’t patient and let him be

She looked upon him,
Resigned and exhausted of fighting
Hopeless
Tired of pretending to understand
Tired of being patient
Tired of waiting for signs, for love, for comfort

Turning away, she ran
Away from him
Away from his stare
Away from his dominating grip
Away from his ability to hurt her.
Away from the brutal man who destroyed her

Steps

The pain of not knowing
The anxiety of waiting
For the phone to ring

Red rimmed eyes
Head aching with all the tears
Heart feeling like its tearing in half

To be this miserable
To be in this much pain
To feel this hurt

Is the edge of the sea
You face the rocks now
With their salt spraying on your face

All you can think of is
One step, one little step
To fall free into the embrace of the waves

The one little gesture he could have done
To make you stop hurting
To stop you from making that step

Love has no meaning here
It is power that rules these two souls
His power to destroy hers
Her power to stop existing.

Disconnect

After the sun sets and I head back into my home
I allow myself to thoughts about you
Its not the need of you that consumes me
It’s the want of you

I know we have our lives
And perhaps no one can understand
Our strange relationship, like we do
I just wish we were ordinary once

The distance and the time
Drives us apart everyday
With each passing moment
We travel into our own world
Leaving each other behind

Today I allow myself a few tears
Not for the fact that you hurt me
But to challenge, if you would appear
To kiss them off my cheeks

Tonight after the sun has set
And I head back home
I allow myself to thoughts about you
Thoughts of letting you go…