Betrayed

The cold now sweeps into the living room
Where once was a family
Now engulfed in betrayal and sadness

The drink of whisky swirled around
In contemplation of his actions
Head bowed in surrender

Fingers entwined in the threads of the cushion
Lips quivering in hopelessness
Her eyes red after the sobbing

The boy walking back and forth
Trying to comprehend
Hands clenched into a fist

Eyes looking out the window
Wishing to escape
Her mind a mass of agony

Images of laughter
Of trips together
The visions of support and love

Now has turned murky
Clouded by the reality
Torn apart by disloyalty

There is no turning back
What is broken will remain broken
It cannot be ignored, cannot be forgotten

Dear Infidel
You have let the unknown into our home
We never want to look into your eyes again
Since you no longer remain in our hearts

The Power of Pain

There is a certain kind of pain
That does not wash away with the waves
It remains in your heart
Deeply seated
Just becoming numb
Becoming a part of you

The pain that gives you courage
In times of uncertainty and humiliation
It’s the pain that turns you into someone else
Someone who thinks
If I could have gone through that

I can go through anything in the world…

Love affair with Bangalore

The place where you could experience four seasons in one day
Where rock music was a religion
Where people from everywhere came to fulfill their destiny

Walking from college into that much loved coffee shop
I would feel the sweat crawl down my back
And the wind would mess up my hair

Strolling to the garage of coffee heaven
A sea of friendly faces greeted me everyday
Some beaming, some preoccupied, some just mulling over their beverages

Hugs, long wonderful hugs
That said “Hello there, we’ve missed you”
Sitting down, I would feel comforted in an instant

The pub with the dim lighting
Jim Morrison’s voice floating from the speakers
And the delicious draught beer that would quench any thirst

The apartment filled with light
Where friends came to hang out
And flat mates went about their day

The club where I would go to dance and unwind
People sipping their drinks and eyeing potential lovers
DJ’s spinning their turntables with catchy beats

It’s the city I once detested
It’s the place I wanted to leave behind
Now it’s the place I miss and long to return to…
It’s the place where I found friendship

Now as I look back on beloved Bangalore
I think of it as the city where I found love

Deserted

Desolate winds now caress her cheek
As she swims across the sea of sand
The emptiness of her surroundings masking her being
Is there no relief, no rescue

Looking up at the blazing sun
Her tears run dry
Her feet blistered
Her spirit broken and shattered

There he stood,
Strong, Silent and Proud
His face a mask of disgust
That accused her, that she had expectations
That she needed comfort
That she couldn’t understand
That she wasn’t patient and let him be

She looked upon him,
Resigned and exhausted of fighting
Hopeless
Tired of pretending to understand
Tired of being patient
Tired of waiting for signs, for love, for comfort

Turning away, she ran
Away from him
Away from his stare
Away from his dominating grip
Away from his ability to hurt her.
Away from the brutal man who destroyed her

Steps

The pain of not knowing
The anxiety of waiting
For the phone to ring

Red rimmed eyes
Head aching with all the tears
Heart feeling like its tearing in half

To be this miserable
To be in this much pain
To feel this hurt

Is the edge of the sea
You face the rocks now
With their salt spraying on your face

All you can think of is
One step, one little step
To fall free into the embrace of the waves

The one little gesture he could have done
To make you stop hurting
To stop you from making that step

Love has no meaning here
It is power that rules these two souls
His power to destroy hers
Her power to stop existing.

Disconnect

After the sun sets and I head back into my home
I allow myself to thoughts about you
Its not the need of you that consumes me
It’s the want of you

I know we have our lives
And perhaps no one can understand
Our strange relationship, like we do
I just wish we were ordinary once

The distance and the time
Drives us apart everyday
With each passing moment
We travel into our own world
Leaving each other behind

Today I allow myself a few tears
Not for the fact that you hurt me
But to challenge, if you would appear
To kiss them off my cheeks

Tonight after the sun has set
And I head back home
I allow myself to thoughts about you
Thoughts of letting you go…

Smile

The wisps of hair floating around her small face
The little girl held onto the fence
Overlooking the field of pasture
In the light of dusk
It looked like a sea of gold

Her eyes roamed the vastness
Closing her eyes
She pictured his face,
Grinning her favorite crooked smile
Her lips curved in delight

Climbing over the fence
She ran into the golden sea
The balmy air embracing her
Hair flying behind her
Running into the image of her sweet boy

She woke up, into reality
Curled around his frame
His arms held her gently
As he kissed her forehead
Looking up her lips curved with contentment
She gazed at her sweet boy
The boy with the crooked smile…

His song, for her

He played this afternoon with fervor
Like if he would stop, everything would fall apart
He played for her, played to make her stay
He thought about how he first saw her

There he was, minding his business
His nose in a book, taking in all that the world could offer
People watching and reading was one of his favorite pastimes
Since it brought together the people of fantasy and real life,
Into one experience

While in this dreamy state, she walked up the steps
Asked him for a light, even though she had a lighter in her other hand
Laughed like an angel when caught
There it began, with lies and pastimes
The story which changed them both forever

He taught her music, beauty and happiness
She gave him laughter, pleasure and her vulnerability
He was the knight in shining armor
She was just not the damsel in distress
They had it all, drama, sacrifice and determination

The only thing they never had, was love
She took his beauty, his music and his devotion
But he never got it back, he never would
He was the soul, and the heart, she the instrument
Nothing without the musician, empty and useless

That’s why this evening she leaves
She knows he deserves better
He plays for her today, and for her alone
He asks her to stay, to be his forever
He gives his heart freely
Only she is the liar, the coward, the bitch
Who could never understand love, and never will

He doesn’t say good riddance
He cannot cast her aside
He will not abuse her with words
He will play, as long as he can to keep her.
He is going to let her go, hoping she finds something worth keeping.

Sweet Sweet Success

The path to success isn’t experience
Its stubbornness
Stick to one’s convictions
Make it through
And Voila! Eureka!
Your on the other side
Don’t look back, ever
Incase of deviation from this advice: You will turn into a pillar of salt
You might see your friends, who tried to stop you
Even that ridiculous supportive lover who didn’t understand
The people you trampled over, the decent ones
The family you scorned
To get to this glorious other side
Where the grass is indeed very green
Only you don’t have the soul to appreciate it.

2008: A year to remember

This year has been a Rollercoaster ride for most people I know. Apart from the important events, such as the Economic Recession, Mumbai Bombings, US Elections of first African American President(trying to be politically correct) and Dark knight, which I believe is one of the best movies with the best Joker the world has ever seen, this year has been personally and emotionally life changing for a lot of people including myself.

Few things I have noticed this year is our ever growing dependence for technology ( this isnt a late realisation, just realised the full extent of it) We have become such slaves to our mobile Phones, our Laptops, our PSP's, our IPods. Seems like we look at screens more than we look at our loved ones. I for one am not sure what this means, because I support and love technology but just fearing wether Im replacing microchips for loving relationships, also debating wether thats a good thing. Have we started a point of perspective where we dont need the Human Touch? Would we miss it? Are we losing out? (Duh!)

This year has been a journey for me, leaving behind the familiar smiles of my family in Dubai and more importantly my family in Bangalore.

Personal Note to My Bangalore Family:
Guys I just want to say, I didnt leave because I didnt love you guys, I left because I had to move on before my ass would be stuck in one of the plastic chairs of Barista. I can never thank you enough for everything you have done for me, you have made me the person I have grown to love through your support. You are chrerished and missed EVERYDAY. Please always remember that. Each one of have reserved a VIP seat in my heart and it aint never goin away.

This year I moved to melbourne, carrying all that heartbreak of leaving my friends and family, but for anyone who is making a transition, I would say this. At first you will not be able to stand the distance and the emptiness, but eventually life takes over and new people come into your life and heal you. In Melbourne, I met people like that, they changed everything, they were like painkillers to the heartbreak, it never truly goes away because lets face it, you cannot ever stop missing your friends and family, but these Angels help you through it. They gave me a reason to wake up in the morning and I am grateful to them. I will owe you for making me laugh and for holding my hand through it all.

Thus with this Note I would like to bid the year of 2008, adieu. It has been very eventful and bittersweet. This year might have been the worst for some people, but for me, this year with all its ups and downs has taught me something about human relationships, Something I took for granted.
Never underestimate the power of friendship and Change is sometimes the best thing that can happen to you, so take it by the horns people.
Only way to live. :)

Goodbye 2008!

Happiness

Happiness what is it?
What does it mean?
Is it a childish need?
Or perhaps its just an illusion

Are you Happy?
Or are you just content?
Do you truly believe or are you in denial?
Or perhaps you are just hopeful like millions of us

Respect, Love, Faith, is that it?
Have I cracked the puzzle?
How come I still cant breathe?
Or perhaps I was wrong all along

Happiness is that tug in your heart when you see people in love
Happiness is the longing when you see a mother with her child
Happiness is the involuntary smile you get when you see two friends laugh for no reason
Or perhaps this is just loss

The loss of Happiness in your life.

My Curly Haired Beauty

The garden of solitude is where I resided
Running among the orchards
I always saw her, the girl with the curls
Unstoppable laughter, warmth and blinding light
She brought to me
Now I realize, all this time…
I was falling toward her, towards the light
Towards my soul mate, my missing piece
She saved me, in so many ways
Her beauty came from her kindness, her humility
We have the kind of bond people only dream of
Sharing thoughts and dreams without words,
We roam this city of hope.
Singing , Dancing, Giggling
Like we are children again
She brings out the best in me,
Like I bring out the vivacity in her
She is my Curly Haired Beauty
My flower, my Friend
She has transformed me into the Goddess
Never before or after, would I be this way
It was her and her alone who inspired me
When she is away, there is only emptiness
Longing for her company and her silly laugh
I hope never to be without her again…

Ponderings of a dreamy teenager

Don't you wonder sometimes, What is it that we are meant to do? It's really a subjective question and of course it's different for all of us. I've often heard of the phrase "Do what your heart says" And personally I don't like that phrase a lot, probably because whenever I've "asked my heart", I just get even more confused, I mean it doesn't tell you anything, it's just a decision which we have to make. Something which I trust is my instinct which has got me out of sticky situations, it is more or less like a radar which tells me to clear up the mess I've made because danger is near but of course even your instinct can be wrong at times right? Then where do we turn to? Ah of course our friends opinions .Someone once told me "Opinions are like assholes, everyone has them" .At first I laughed out loud but after thinking about it, I realized how much truth there is in that sentence. I for one always ask for opinions but I never take them, I end up doing exactly what I feel like. Well those decisions mostly get me into trouble but then again that's the circle of my life. I'm stable for a while then I'd do something wild and get myself out of it quickly before it becomes too messy. It's all a vicious circle, if we take no risks life becomes boring and if life is boring we're inclined to take risks. Well I really don't know what my conclusion or point is, it's just something I sat down to think about. Now time to get up and get goin! :-)

Bound Protection

A night spent without passion
The elements that combusted into desire were present
Only her heart could not respond the way her body did
Stumbling into the grey walled cell
She tried to coax herself, touching on her own
Trying to draw out the carnal need
Everything covered in orange light and shadows
Nothing changed, Nothing turned on, Nothing on fire
Had the shield on her heart manage to numb her all over?
Suddenly the spasms, of breathlessness
She was suffocating inside her tightly wound self
Gasping for air, for hope, for light…
Hoping to wake up from this parallel universe where she was dead inside
Slowly the shadows consumed her
Swallowing her into her own vortex
Non existent….

Listening to River Flows in You on a Tuesday night

I want to remember these moments
Not because I am a sadist
Only to remember how exactly I felt
What the dark times made me
I want to remember that I curled in my bed
How my eyes looked, empty.
I need to remember how it was difficult to swallow sometimes
Since there was a huge knot in my chest
Sometimes I would place my hand on my heart
To see if it was still beating
How my face crumpled in surrender when it was too much to bear
I want to remember how alone I felt
Haunted by dreams, disappearing into thoughts
Falling, gasping, trying to hold on yet trying to let go.
This feeling, utter agony, did not let me go
It forced me to its bidding, scared me, stopped me
Most of all,
I want to remember that I had survived.
That somewhere deep inside I was waking up
I wanted to remember the bad,
So I would appreciate the good, even more.
And be thankful for each new day.