End of an Era

There it was,
The shocking truth, the words of pain,
I am so fucked up I can’t even get past it

I am taking it one day at a time
Because if I stop, even for a tiny moment
I know I would breakdown

Months of denial, months of pretend, months of bloody façade
And for what? Just to realize….
This is it. The end of any beginning.
The end of anything that could have.

Self Destruct

The music flowed…
Smoke swirled across the room,
Look at nothing in particular
Again the rise, the flood again
Complete and utter feeling of misery

This evening it returns
To consume me slowly
Till I curl up into a ball
And I cannot bear it anymore
It sucks till dry

Lying on the marble floor
Tear stained cheeks, salty…
Cannot breathe, stifling, hands clenched tightly
Then the scream… agony, helplessness, anguish, crushing pain
It stabs with brutal force
Ripples of screaming
Finally
Silence

Without Permission

It flows so fast today
Without much warning
Doesnt even ask permission
"Can I fall from your eyes
and seep into your cheeks?"

Loss of what?
Loss of memories I think
Loss of feeling helpless
Loss of the end coming so close you can almost touch it

The bed which I laid in
The cupboard with my clothes
The drawers with trinkets
Peices of identity, but loss...

Loss is your life flowing
Without permission
"Can I fall from your being and seep into the ground?"

Mischeivious Eyes

Looked so deep, I thought I would fall
His eyes kept dancing,
The rhythm unheard of,
Eyes full of mischief
Always full of life,
Oh! How i hated it,
How he teased me with mirthful eyes,
Dark brown with long lashes,
Mocking, Laughing eyes...
But fantasy would not be enough
To describe his dep brown eyes
Such rage yet happiness floods me
Oh! His mischeivious eyes.

Forbidden Door

If i was there..
Why dont I remember?
It comes across as pieces...
Like a jigsaw puzzle,
Wonder if they had jigsaws...
Who is they?
Dont ask for I wouldnt know,
Not yet...just not yet,
But its all returning,
The cool breeze,
The beautiful orchard....and your there too,
Winds whispering to my bouncing rusty curls...
Laughter surrounding...your smile dazzling,
You look gorgeous my love...
No one knows...
They wont understand,
But his desire has left a mark...
My heart clenched in denial...
Your arms around me...
Your grey eyes...
I'm soaring above the clouds,
Love without touch and feel...
Your hands have imprinted themselves on my soul...
Not time nor age will make me forget...
True love is a durable fire...
In the mind ever burning...
No mere human can stand in a fire...
And not be consumed....

Moments of Sensuality

Moments of sensuality when I think of you….
As I laid there, away from the harsh realities,
Not a sound,not a breath, just soft light and warmth,
Warm waters soaking my skin and the light enlightening my face,
I thought of you
The intoxicating scent of the candles
And the warm soapy exterior covering the water
My toes curled in a way a womans did when she remembered her lovers kiss
Closed my eyes and….
I thought of you
My body glistening and shimmering and the dim light dancing on my skin,
The swirl of ebony tied…but alas, a lisp of it broke free,
And the rest of it curled behind and caressed my neck
.I thought of you
Deep and strong the silence was, but wait…
I heard a whisper,more quiet than the wind but warmer than summer,
It was your voice which I heard ,saying in its soft tones of melody…’I love you’
A soft smile curled my lip gently....and color rose like waves into my cheeks.
I thought of u
In moments like this…of sensuality,of intimacy,of ecstasy,of passion and most of all…love
I think of you….
Only you…