My farewell to her

Sitting cross legged on the pink cushions my mother picked
I watched the dawn break into its glory
A morning like so many before it,
Only I had changed into someone else
Today the tears did not run, muscles did not clench
Just a void that seems to melt within me
Many times I thought of this moment, pictured it in my head
Yet today it feels new

As she walked into the room, her eyes questioning what I am doing
My eyes met hers after which the tears did not stop
I told her my time was over
I wanted my ashes to be spread in the Arabian Ocean
So that it would wash over to India slowly
I would go back the way I came

I told her there would be mornings where she might switch on the light in my room
And I wont be there
I asked her to memorise the crinkles of my smile and the twinkle of my eyes
So that she wont forget how I looked when I was happy, when I was with her
I asked forgiveness for the times I hurt her and did not even bother to comfort her
I told her I knew what it meant to be loved
I told her she might not see my children, but I had dreamt of having them
I shared with her my life
I told her I know how much she believed in me
At the end of it allI said I did not want to go before I tell you how much I love you.